triv.org

The other day I had to do math homework. This was the first math homework I'd done in 5 years. I used to do math homework all the time - I was a math major. I integrated over N dimensions. I chased elliptical curves. I proved that the group was contiguous. I spoke of the simple beauty of the limit. I advocated the usefulness of the differential unit.

Then I became a computer geek. I learned about objects and polymorphism. I wrote apps and took user interfaces seriously. I played with databases, sockets, and compilers; until one day I went to pick up my Ti-89 to crunch a few numbers. The batteries were dead. "Huh." I put it down, and turned to my computer. I didn't use my Ti-89 for years.

Enter stats homework. I bought some AAAs, changed it out, and fired it up. For the first twenty minutes I wasn't sure of my footings. I had forgotten a lot of the shortcuts. Everything took a bit too long. I was searching for keys and menus. Then it all started to come back, and I remembered just how great that calculator is. It does everything, is easy to use, and gives real answers.

This is the calculator that Kyle and I became friends over. It was there for meeting Amy. It was there for breaking up with Amy. It went from Fenton, to Worcster, to East Lansing, to Okemos, back to East Lansing, and then on to Ann Arbor. This thing has been with me from good to bad to horrible. It has the same processor as my first computer.

Why is it that we reconnect with our past once the future is no longer frightening? I feel like I've come full circle in my life, that things are starting anew from here out. It's a little scary, but in the good way. In the best way. How could it not be? I have my calculator.

The Seven Signs that you shouldn't be in college:

1. You feel the need to ask how many questions will be on a test. It doesn't matter at all. There will be a test, you'll take it. If you know the material, you'll do well. Asking how many questions are going to be on the test is like asking how many guys the girl you're after has slept with. It's rude and no way is it an indication of how good in bed she is.
2. You ask what the ISBN of the text book is. That just makes you a huge geek that can't use google. A geek that cannot use google is, in fact, a contradiction. Therefore, if you ask that question you may not actually exist in this universe of discourse. You may want to consider moving to a tesseract house.
3. You ask for the reasons behind basic facts. 1 + 1 is 2 by definition. Sometimes the answer is because.
4. You can't get to the class website. It's called a web broswer.
5. You bitch about having to do footnotes. Citing sources isn't hard, and it's something that you should just expect when writing a paper in college. They take almost no time if you do them while you're doing your research, so just do them already.
6. You turn a paper in with just your first name. I'm grading for a computer science class right now, and I swear that someone did this. The average CS professor at eastern has around 150 students at any given moment. If your name is Steve... well... you're probably boned.
7. There is no seventh sign. Deal.

Jon was out this weekend. We drank some, we ate some, as played a fair amount of pool; but I'm not going to talk about that. I'm going to talk about yet another trip to church.

Now that I've reached my privious yearly record in January, it's clear that this year isn't going to be similar to years prior. I'm strangely ok with that. I don't think I'm going to gain real faith in going to church. I don't see myself becoming a believer, but I do see myself interested in faith. I've always had a fasination with reliegion and spirtuality - probably because I am not reliegious or spiritual - and to see such things from the inside only increases my curiosity.

I find myself increasingly interested in the historical Jesus and the history of the Christian church. Roman housewives, cultists, and jewish politics push the gap between what really happened and what is assumed wider than I thought. Those of faith would say that such matters are secondary to the core of Christian faith, and they're right, but to those of us on the outside looking in they are fascinating.

The history of Christianity in America has also been on my mind recently. It's important to remember that this country was founded by religious followers so uptight that the British told them to "Get out!" Sex, drugs, work, booze, and war are all under the grip of that history. Puritans man. Puritans.

After church we played poker, and stayed up all hours of the night. I'm not going to go into details, but it was both a good night for myself and for Jon. After getting some sleep, Jon and I went to play pool again. I had picked a new cue. At first I was going to call it Vera and rename my old cue, but old vera got very very confused. So the old cue stays vera and the new cue is Pixley. Pixley is an awesome cue. So good that I had to get used to it. My old cue's tip was so flattened that I wasn't putting any spin on the ball. For the first 20 minutes I was putting huge amounts of front-spin on everything. I got a feel for it after a while, and started playing some damn good pool with it.

I long for the MacBook Pro in a way that is completely inappropriate for a piece of computer hardware. I have a 1.5ghz powerbook right now, and the thought of a four-fold speed increase is just too tempting. I'd get the 1.83ghz too, with the 7200 rpm hard drive. My current laptop doesn't feel slow, but it doesn't feel fast either. The new ATI chipset in those things is decent enough to play games in too. I wonder what the battery life is like, especially with the brighter screen.

I have no rational reason for getting a new laptop. I might just get a new laptop.

I was offer a grunt job with the CS computer labs, and while at first I wasn't very interested in the job, the thought of being able to save up for a MacBook without touching the main cash flow is tempting. I might sell the old one too. Yes, this might just work.

I think I'm going to do it. I'll take the job, and then I'l save and then it will be mine. Ohh yes. It will be mine.

I think I finally have the search feature of this site working correctly. Now if I could just get Jon's thing to work.

I was at the union over on campus buying books. Buying books may just be my least favorite part of going to school. You're forced to pay a whole lot of money for something that you don't really want in the first place. It's a racket, with more than one professor getting rich in the process. Anytime you have a class where the book is written by the professor you know you're in trouble.

It was during this that a girl came up and said hi to me. I couldn't place her for the first moment, but it was Diana. This came as something as a shock. Last anyone had heard she was still in D.C, going to school. She hasn't been. She's been here in Ann Arbor for the last couple years. We had coffee, beer and dinner while we got caught up. It was nice to see her. The last time we had talked was not good - it was downright ugly. Three years was more than long enough to heal those wounds though, now I just have to see if I can get her to come jam with Jon and I.

After Diana left, Sarah came over and we tried again to make the volcano cake. We had a volcano this time, but the cake was just a little too big. It left us with a lot of lava and not enough cake. I think the next try will be perfect. I'm also thinking that we might need a finer flower, as the lava is still a bit grainy.

Lost In Translation is one of my favorite movies. In the past I've felt the movie was about feeling disconnected, being alone while surrounded by people. When I watched it last night with Sarah, I though it was about being connected to someone when you least expect it. Perhaps the best thing one can say about that movie is that it changes as you do. Anyone can tell the tale of boy meets girl, love, and marriage. But to tell a story about everyone without being about anyone is much more powerful.

I had the option today to pick up a "trophy wife." I had just arrived at the house of some friends when my cell phone rang. It was another friend of mine, who in respect for her, I shall not name. She said she had a great idea. She said that she wanted to get married. She said that she could do laundry like a mofo, she claimed great skills with a vacuum cleaner, and she claimed great skills of another... well.. sort.

I tried to explain to her that I was in the middle of this thing with Sarah, and I really couldn't get married; but she seemed to have given this a lot of thought. It just isn't the conversation you typically have. You don't typically get a phone call proposing marriage to a girl you've never dated.

Eventually things settled down, but in the end remember this: I could have a trophy wife right now, this very moment. One phone call and a couple of tickets to vegas. Anyways, it's been a wonderful week, and now I'm off to fishing with the manfolk up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. I'll be off the grid for 3 days. I can't wait.

2005 is gone, and I'm ok with that.

I had a three day party last weekend. It started Friday with close friends that could make it out early. It ended Sunday. A (friendly) fight was fought. Venison, soups, eggs, sauces, and pancakes were made. I woke up next to a person that matters a great deal to me. I woke up.

I feel alive.

I feel as though I have been drifting thru life for the last few years, only to find solid ground when I least expected it. Almost as if things where always this way and I just wasn't ready to see. Obviously this is due to a woman, and this isn't about sex, or relationships, or love, or lust, or passion. It's about understanding. It's about tenderness. It is, in a strange way, about breakfast.

2005 is gone. It was a better year than its predecessor. Hopefully for you as well, and if it wasn't then during 2006 remember this: anything is possible.