October 8, 2006
TV Alert
If you guys can catch it (and I know this nerdy of me), try and watch the re-running of "Eyes On The Prize", one of the cornerstone docs on the Civil Rights movement of the 50s and 60s. I saw it in college and it's truly wonderful.
It's playing on PBS, natch.
Posted by emily at 8:08 PM | Comments (0)
September 8, 2006
A Thought As Star Trek Turns 40 Today
Is my opposition to the Iraq war, in some tiny way, reflective of Star Trek's "Prime Directive"? (We don't interfere in developing societies).
Posted by emily at 5:22 PM | Comments (0)
May 15, 2006
Goodbye, Farewell and Amen or "a la maison blanc"
The Final West Wing: Not bad. It could have been so much worse.
(Think of an entire hour of Jimmy Smits. And then vomit.)
At least we saw Jed. And the napkin was cute. Yes, I got a little teary when Keb 'Mo was playing and they were packing up the Bartlet oval. That was good.
Pardoning Toby, good.
CJ being asked to comment by the reporter we always saw, good.
Charlie walking out of the WW, good
Josh and Donna in bed, good
All Jed scenes, good
But it was choppy, like being on the high seas in a storm on a piece of wood. Too much Smits. NO FUCKING RICHARD SCHIFF YOU BASTARDS!!!! Rob Lowe basically did a walk-on. Josh and Donna didn't speak to each other.
It died a long death, but it is finally over. May it rest in peace.
Posted by emily at 2:45 PM | Comments (0)
April 9, 2006
Nevada's The New Florida or "a la maison blanc"
West Wing: Okay, Jon, ctriv... let me repeat my oft-repeated mantra. It ain't Sorkin. Ain't Sorkin. Not Sorkin at all.
That was nice, though.
Come on, that was a good episode. I was actually, you know, into it, instead of just watching because I like the characters. When Jed hugged C.J... man, that was a moment. The whole thing was nicely done, I thought. Parts lagged, sure and who cares about Hawkeye and his team, but hell. The end, when Josh says "Thanks, boss.".... you had fucking tears. Don't hide 'em. Just get out the kleenex.
Best Death Scene in TV Ever: It remains when Radar gave the news that Blake's helicopter had been shot down. They didn't rehearse that. They gave Burghoff the line and he just gave it.
Okay, but who called Toby and Sam? Why didn't we SEE Mallory? These are just nitpicks.
Oh, and Santos won.
Posted by emily at 11:16 PM | Comments (0)
March 27, 2006
John Wells Gets My Memo (Preview Only!) or next week's "a la maison blanc"
West Wing: loves me Toby, but that's not why you called.
Okay, all you cats and kittens out there. I know most of you TIVOed. If you got the promo, watch it. Watch it right now. Josh and Donna are in bed naked together.
And that's all I'll say for now. Until John Wells actually shows us the sex. I would like a full-frontal Bradley Whitford myself. I know there will be takers on a nekkid Janel Moloney.
It better be hot, or I'm buying a gun.
Posted by emily at 12:01 AM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2006
Admiral, There Be Kisses Here! or "A la maison blanc"
West Wing: Ah, the kissing. Yes, the kissing. And yes, there was a little issue with the relay of the key. But he wanted to take the key. What I'm not getting is that they were supposedly in DC, right? Don't Josh and Donna have, you know, homes in DC? Was the Santos campaign that strapped for cash that they sold their abodes? Am I missing something here?
But yes, the kissing. Ah, the kissing. I could have done without "Bang, Bang" in the background, although if that's foreshadowing, then I'm all for it. Because they are going to have sex. Yes. And it will be better sex than I've been having recently. Yes.
By the way, Janel Moloney looked much better last night then she had all season.
How can Hawkeye get sick? He's a doctor, bitches! Like I've said before, what I wouldn't give for Mike Farrell or that guy who played Winchester (please help me, I've totally... ah, David Ogden Stiers) to be part of the Vinick campaign. I mean, you know the actors already have chemistry. And Hot Lips, that campaign needs a little hot lips. Not Josh and Donna's hot lips; they need to remain attached to each other.
No Jamie Farr, though. Unless he is in a dress.
On another side note, it's nice to see Sam come back. Nice to see Joey Lucas. Amy... meh. Just as long as you don't stop the kisses and the sex. BTW, "Fried Green Tomatoes" was on the other night. I do like Mary Louise Parker. Quite a switch from Amy Gardner, to see her as a meek, abused, religious southern lesbian in the 30s.
They need one of those on WW, too.
All and all, it's not bad. This season, much better than season six.
And there be kisses!
Posted by emily at 2:32 PM | Comments (0)
January 22, 2006
A La Maison Blanc Denied!
They are cancelling The West Wing. I'm actually more bummed, pissed, etc.. about "Arrested Development." Cancelling AD was picking a fruit of the vine before it was ready to be plucked. West Wing, well, it's moldy and time for it to go. Besides, with the death of Spencer, did anyone really want to see it go on? I think not.
Best West Wing Eps:
Two Cathedrals
Bartlet For America
We Killed Yamamoto
Noel
Life On Mars (personal favorite)
In the Shadow of Two Gunmen I and II
Take This Sabbath Day
Let Bartlet Be Bartlet
Best Arrested Development Eps:
Pilot
Beef Consume
Missing Kitty
Bringing Up Buster
Good Grief
Ready, Aim, Marry Me!
Let Them Eat Cake
Spring Breakout
Posted by emily at 4:31 PM | Comments (2)
November 17, 2005
The Great Genius Of Our Time
Every now and again, I'm reminded on how much I love Woody Allen. VF has a piece on him this month, in which the writer makes some excellent points. There are no bad Woody Allen films; one's that are weak, yes, but none that make you run from the theater. This year's film, especially, is supposed to be quite good. Hopefully, I'll be able to see it. I'm sure there are many Woodyhaters out there, but so many people just know about Mia Farrow and Soon-Yi and judge him on that. (No evidence he ever molested his children, BTW. He was never convicted.) However, let me be the 5,607 to proclaim that Woody Allen is one of the great American artists and one of the greatest directors of all time.
MY TOP TEN
1) Manhattan
2) Sleeper
3) Annie Hall
4) Hannah and Her Sisters
5) Bananas
6) Manhattan Murder Mystery
7) Bullets Over Broadway
8) Zelig
9) Take The Money and Run
10) Mighty Aphrodite
And I'm leaving some off, I know. Please, Woodfans, tell me what your favorites are. Because it seems like very few people in my law school have even heard of Woody, let alone of spiders the size of Buicks.
Posted by emily at 2:54 PM | Comments (2)
November 7, 2005
Paging Stockdale or "A la Maison Blanc"
West Wing: Now, if Alan Alda and NYPD blue dude were actually running for office, that would have been one kick-ass debate. It was better than Dole V Clinton, Bush V Gore, Bush V Kerry... if Vinick and Santos has been actual presidental contenders, that would have been a political junkie's dream debate...
But, you see, they're not.
They are not real candidates. They are not going to be in a position to change policy. NYPD blue dude asking Alan Alda to pledge not to invade a country for oil means nothing; Alan Alda didn't get us into Iraq. Hell, the guy spent ELEVEN years trying to get us out of Korea! And there was nothing but peasants and Hot Lips there!
No character besides Ron Silver that had been featured before season six was on the ep. No B-story, no A-story... that's not a drama. That's a masturbatory exercise. Yes, if a real debate was like that, it would be great. But without the consequences of an actual ballot box looming in the future, I don't care what a WW writer thinks of immigration or taxes.
P.S. FYI: Zoey Bartlet is now shilling for Exerdin. Seriously, the actress is talking about her migraines on some advert.
Posted by emily at 5:43 PM | Comments (0)
October 31, 2005
The Bored Smith Dinner or "A la Maison Blanc"
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzDonna'sbackzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzWill'samusingagainzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzabortionzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted by emily at 9:05 PM | Comments (0)
October 24, 2005
We Treat Toby This Way But Not Karl Rove? or "A la Maison Blanc"
West Wing: triv will disagree, I'll state that up front, but I dug this one, too. Let me put in the qualified disclaimer: in no way is this as good as prime WW 1-4 seasons. It doesn't even share the dancefloor with it. But it's not bad. Not bad at all.
If for nothing else, the final scene with Toby, Bartlet and Babish. The Kate Harper thing was crap. Santos, who cares, except we got to see the bald guy get all pissy with Josh in the end. We now know that this actor's agent isn't very good. Having been spoiled, I know that all the firings lead into Donna coming back, which should be a bit tasty with all the tension. But enough tension. Time for some sex. If the tension leads to sex, I'm all for it. If John Wells is setting us up for tension, tension, tension and no sex, then he's not answered what is the most important and relevent question on every viewer's mind: Do Donna and Josh actually make it to the bed the first go round or is it up against a wall?
But the final scenes were in my mind the best of the season thus far. Bartlet giving it to Toby, as he HAS to. Counsel's in the room, dude, you can't hug the guy who just stabbed your administration in the back. Not that Bartlet isn't justifiably actually pissed. Sad that Bush just isn't intelligent enough and has too much riding on some unrealistic bullshit of "loyalty" to actually do such a thing to a real WH leaker, like Rove or Libby.
But what got me, totally and completely in perhaps my favorite post-Sorkin moment, was Babish telling Toby in the outer office that someone should thank him for his years of service. I don't know why, it was just really beautiful and sad to me. In this fictional world, this will be Toby Ziegler's legacy now. Everything he's worked for washed away. Not that I agree with what the following examples did in most cases, but do we remember Ron Ziegler, Halderman, Erlichmann, Robert Bork, Oliver North, BILL CLINTON, RICHARD NIXON, John Dean, Alger Hiss, Robert MacNamara, Gen. Westmoreland, Speaker Wright for their years of service to their country? We remember them from breaking some law or some screw up that made their names live in infamy. All the good gets forgotten (not that many of them DID much good, but some did). Nixon passed the Clean Water act. Do we remember that at all?
That's besides the point. The point is is that Schiff, as usually, rocked it out last night and Janney was phenomonal. But is it even "A La" without Toby? Toby was the heart and soul... you can lose the idealist (Sam) the pragmatist (Josh) but when you lose the heart and soul, all you're left with is the spleen.
Posted by emily at 12:50 PM | Comments (0)
October 16, 2005
NOT TOBY! NOT TOBY, YOU FUCKERS!! or "A la Maison Blanc"
West Wing: I know my brother will disagree, but I liked that puppy. Again, not the West Wing but for "a la maison" it was a nice showing. It's nice that they were actually in the goddamn namesake of the show THE WEST WING. Charlie, good to shake your hand again. Debbie, come, sit down, have a bit of dried fruit.
What was Santos doing being vague on intelligent design? Is he stupid? What is Garafalo doing backing him up. Josh needs to get his ass back to the White House and away from these people. SAM would never disappoint like that.
The last scene between Janney and Schiff was worth the price of admission. But if you take away my Toby, I will have to kill you, John Wells. Send Toby Zielger to jail and I poison your coffee with smallpox. That's just the way it goes, friend. Price of doing business.
Posted by emily at 11:26 PM | Comments (0)
October 10, 2005
I'd Rather Be Watching The 4077th or "A la Maison Blanc"
West Wing: That sucked.
Do you notice that, although the show is still nominally called "West Wing" we do not actually see any old West Wing sets? Besides Leo/C.J.'s office? No Josh/Donna area, no old C.J. office, no sit room, no residence, no Charlie/Mrs. Landingham/Debbie outer office, no mural room, no Roosevelt room... get back to governing people! Fuck, you're looking like the Bush administration.
Alan, I love ya. I really do. But when you said you had never served in a foriegn war, I think I speak for everyone who owns a television set when I say, "You Schmuck! You forget about Korea and Radar's Teddy Bear!!"
Suicide is painless, but watching bad maison blanc is like getting your toenails ripped out with rusty hot pliers.
Posted by emily at 11:16 PM | Comments (0)
October 3, 2005
So Tying Myself To A Chair With A Belt Is Supposed To Help Me Understand Adverse Possession in Property Law, Josh? or "A la Maison Blanc"
West Wing: Now, that was pretty amusing. Sorkinites... I know, I know, I KNOW your argument and La Madre Probem was nowhere near the glory of, well, seasons 1-4. But Josh tying himself to a chair, Santos breaking the bed (his whole speech about the boy flight attendant)... funny, no? I didn't watch feeling bored.
Memo to John Wells: NEVER AGAIN USE STEVE MILLER BAND FOR A MONTAGE. It screamed frat boy. It screamed white bread. I muted. I hated.
No Donna but no Will or Kate. But you kind of want C.J. Toby and Josh to get along. What happened to being brothers in arms? Why are ya'll haters now instead of players? Mrs. Landingham would have never given you cookies for such behaviour.
Loved me the Garafalo. Like Amy, except not a love interest (yeah!) and uses her whole mouth to talk (yeah!).
Posted by emily at 12:22 PM | Comments (0)
September 25, 2005
Oliver Babish Is My Bitch or "A la Maison Blanche"
Now, when they brought back Bruno on last year's "A la Maison Blanche" I thought it was less than yummy. Canned peas. Melted ice-cream bar. Day old coffee that gets the trick done but lacks the essential body and fruit. And it was a shame because I love me some Bruno.
But the return of Oliver Babish tonight was pure mocha with a pinch of whipped cream. Divine. It may still be "A la Maison Blanche" but every scene he was in brought back a little West Wing into the coffee cup. They didn't make him a parady like Lord John; he was season two glory. Mmmm... asparagas and tuna.
Hell hath no fury like a man scorned, Donna. I'll let you in on a little secret; Josh doesn't want to hire you 'cause he wants to fuck you. And he can't have both in this mixed up world. Nice bangs, though.
All and all, good. Not enough Toby. Too much Santos (I'm still not buying the dude all the way.) Joey Lucas... always nice to see you and shake your hand. No Will Bailey. Christmas is here, kiddies.
Posted by emily at 10:30 PM | Comments (1)
August 7, 2005
"Deep Suckpact": Toby Is In It
Did anyone know that Richard Schiff was in "Deep Impact"? And as Frodo Baggins' father? (Frodo Baggins' mother-in-law in the movie was Tasha Yar.) AND Kate Harper/Howard Stern's wife plays an astronaut with Frank Burns/Lt. Col. Killgore/Tom Hagen. And yes, I knew Morgan Freeman was the President. Should have made for a great movie, what with all forms of sci-fi, poli-sci and Frodo-sci mixed in, as well as an Astroid and a Redgrave.
It is a piece of shit.
Well, Denise Crosby makes plenty of piece of shit movies (Pet Sematary, anyone?) and Mary McCormick has black hair for the damn thing. But Robert Duvall and Morgan Freeman... how much were they paid?
Tea Leoni went to Sarah Lawrence. I bow my head in shame.
Posted by emily at 11:32 PM | Comments (0)
July 29, 2005
Add Blues Harmonica...
The Roseanne cast reunited in a bowling alley to celebrate the release of the first season on DVD. Think back, you remember Roseanne Barr Arnold Thomas Barr Spielberg. And her husband, Walter, whose resounding cries of "Shut the Fuck Up, Donny!" kept us in stiches for twenty years at ABC. Wasn't that made into a T-Shirt, along with "Eat My Shorts" and Ross Perot's pie chart?
The late eighties and the early ninties... the era of big Hammer pants is over, my friend. We cry.
They are also releasing "A Different World" to DVD. My question is why. We cry.
Back to RBATBS, our "domestic goddess" before Martha Stewart turned the phrase into something blond, thin and felonious. (And before America turned blond, thin and felonious as well.) This was a great television show, a great, great television show. Funny and cutting. Truthful and painful. Until the last season, where we collectively gasped and fainted at how horrible something could become so quickly. That was until "The West Wing." But even that doesn't have Donna winning the lottery... yet.
The Connor family... welcome to DVD land. May you not make the two-sided disc mistake of the afore mentioned "West Wing." I will not be purchasing the first season, but I will probably have to buy the season where you lost the bike shop, the daughter and the electricity. As RBATBS so deliciously put it,
"Well, middle class was funnn!"
It was, indeed.
Posted by emily at 10:24 PM | Comments (0)
July 19, 2005
Lili Marlene
Not many of you know that Fat Charlie is a wee bit obsessed with Marlene Dietrich. Many of you probably don't even know who she is.
FUN FACTS:
She was born the same day as Fat Charlie (well, not the same day, dumbass. She's a classic movie star.) December 27. 1901 in Berlin.
She slept with JFK.
She caused traffic jams in Paris in the thirties when she dared to venture out in the streets wearing "slacks."
She slept with Jimmy Stewart.
She denounced Nazi Germany and became an American citizen mere months before the start of WWII. (She applied for citizenship in 1934.)
She slept with Gertrude Stein.
She was not a feminist. In fact, she hated "women's lib" as she called it, ignorant of the fact that she would be seen by many women to be the ultimate liberated woman.
She slept with Edith Piaf.
She did not like her most famous song "Falling In Love Again" nor did she like the movie that made her a star "The Blue Angel."
But she did sleep with Jo Von Sternberg, the director.
She never won an Oscar.
She slept with Yul Brenner
She died a recluse in Paris in 1992.
She slept with Edward R. Morrow
Gwenyth Paltrow will be playing her in her biopic.
She did not sleep with Hemingway.
Posted by emily at 10:30 PM | Comments (0)
April 7, 2005
Um..... no or "A la Maison Blanche"
West Wing: Are you shitting me? Are you absolutely and positively shitting me? Leo, of the pills and the heart attack? Didn't we already go through this, um, two seasons ago? Why don't we just run Fitzwallace? Who cares that he's dead?
But it wasn't horrible in the horrific sense of horrible that that Cuba wank was. I'll admit that. I just don't see Leo as a VP type guy. He's never run for anything. He's used to be a power broker, not a speechmaker. What? It's like if they picked James Carville... wait, no. Carville would be a better choice.
I'm ranting here. Suffice to say, the spacestation is the least of our concerns. On to next season.
Posted by emily at 1:38 AM | Comments (0)
March 31, 2005
Ground Control to Major Tom or "A la Maison Blanche"
West Wing: Not horrible. Not horrible. Better than anything since the health-care smackdown. Still, I didn't care about the space quandry until the end and even then I didn't care that much. Just thought it interesting that C.J. would leak so... stupidly. They'll know it's her. And then she'll be killed. Just a thought for the plot of the next season opener.
Everyone seems to be getting it on except Josh and Donna. I'm glad that Zoey has moved beyond her fey drug-addled French prince phase (didn't we all have on of those?) and gone back to good old Chucky. Glad the Santos' have a healthy marriage. But we needs us some Josh and Donna lovin'. And they should show that episode on Showtime, not NBC.
I wouldn't elect Russell to dye my eyelashes and I wouldn't elect Santos to empty my ashtrays. Alan Alda I'd elect, but as Hawkeye, not some quasi-Republican.
Posted by emily at 1:31 PM | Comments (0)
March 23, 2005
Father Mulcahy Would Be Proud or "A la Maison Blanche"
West Wing: Okay it sucks now. Yes, it does. We can establish that it lacks the Sorkin, it misses the Sorkin, it is the anti-Sorkin.
On this, we can shake hands and share mimosas.
Let me interject, however, that seeing Martin Sheen and Alan Alda eat ice-cream and discuss the Bible... those are pretty tasty brussel sprouts there. It's not the fine Sorkin cabbage roll with extra gravy, but we've already established that that diner has been closed and demolished. So seeing two of my favorite actors, 70s Vietnam war icons (you do know that Korea was metaphor, right?) munching down the pistachio... cool.
No Bradley Whitford or Janel Moloney... uncool.
They should put Will Bailey on a feeding tube just to rip it out of his throat. I like the little short blond girl, though, more and more. And as always, give me Toby or give me death.
How I wish one of those V.P. nominees have been Mike Farrell. Throw us a cabbage roll, people!
Posted by emily at 10:11 PM | Comments (2)
March 20, 2005
Fat Charlie Recommends...
... watch "Arrested Development" on Fox. And no, Valerie Harper and/or Sandy Duncan are not on this show. Neither is Meredith Baxter-Birney. If you enjoy, I have season one on DVD. I will gladly let you borrow them, free of charge. Just send $20 to:
Fat Charlie DVD Rentals, Inc.
101 Deweycheatemandhow Drive
Wampasscot, TX 34353
Fee non-negotiable. Void where prohibited. Please do not burn down the banana stand, it is lined with money.
Posted by emily at 8:10 PM | Comments (1)
March 16, 2005
Smoking Up In Havana or "A la Maison Blanche"
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
sip of coffee
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
puff of a cigarette
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
why is charlie meeting with bug people?
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
way to tell and not show, maison blanche. we all needed leo and the drunken sailor, excuse me, senator to tell us the pros/cons of lifting the embargo.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
you know what? our next ficitious president may be alan alda or jimmy smits. it may be george w. bush. but castro will outlive all the bastards. explode this cigar, hemingway!
Posted by emily at 10:18 PM | Comments (0)
March 9, 2005
Vice-Presidents Should Learn To Keep It In Their Pants or "A la Maison Blanche"
West Wing: You know, there's this show I really like that had this tall chick on who was klutzy, smart and saavy and this balding guy who was crusty and morose and the guy from "Apocalypse Now" played the President. I believe it was called "Sanford and Son." I wonder what ever happened to it.
Nonetheless, I likes the Mrs. Santos. I likes me some Donna kicking ass. And I like my oranges rolled in the aisle of an airplane. Dirt contains protein.
But we already know it's Hawkeye Pierce and that dude from NYPD Blue ducking it out for Bartlet's giant banana next fall. There's no suspense to the campaign episodes. It's "Titantic" baby: you know the boat's going down, why play dice with the Unsinkable Molly Brown? Who, I'm sure if there was enough water, was probably very sinkable.
And Josh Lyman is very sinkable and fuckable, but you didn't really want me to go there, did you?
Posted by emily at 11:45 PM | Comments (0)
March 2, 2005
Mmm... Canadian Bacon or "A la Maison Blanche"
West Wing: Canada invading!! Children voting!! Show sucking!!
I found Santos sitting on Donna mildly entertaining. The plots with Bartlet and his Japanese nemesis, Toby and the booblickins, Kate Harper and a bunch of rednecks.... well, I think they were playing "Operation Petticoat" on TCM. I'm all for multi-plots, but in order to juggle, all the balls need to stay in the air. Otherwise, you're just dropping your balls.
Speaking of dropping balls, shouldn't Cliff Calley and Josh be, like, a bit more, I don't know, hateful towards each other? Josh hits Toby, yet spreads the stem-cell vote love with young Mr. I've-Read-Your-Love-Interest's-Diary?
Ack! You know what would have rocked? Instead of making the Nobel dude Japanese, make him Latino and have Ricardo Montalban play him. Play him exactly like Khan. Now that's an hour full of gobsmacking fine chocolate sauce.
Posted by emily at 10:48 PM | Comments (0)
February 28, 2005
Please Stop, You Have Gotten Enough
I don't follow celebrity trials. I don't follow criminal trials. I follow trials where the verdict would affect the policies, the politics and the fabric of our lives. Roe V. Wade, Bush V. Gore, Miranda V. Arizona. Freedoms of speech, rights of the accused, process of law... I do not eat the bonbons pop culture throws at me and calls "trials."
I know nothing of the Michael Jackson trial, other then he is accused of child molestation and that he was accused of this before. I have no doubt that he is either guilty or innocent or somewhat guilty or somewhat innocent but definitely he is one of the above. He is either a black man or white woman. He used to sing songs and dance on Ed Sullivan.
A nation turns it's lonely eyes to Ed Sullivan. "Let's Spend Some Time Together", indeed.
When I was a young girl, there were rubix cubes and Michael Jacksons for everyone. Billie Jean was not your lover. It was a thriller when you beat it. One album and every kid in Pee Wee's playhouse owned it. There were no substitutions. Jermaine Jackson was not on option. Janet was years away from flashing us. The 80s were nothing but a sparkly glove and Reagan's polyps. The world was our cocaine-filled oyster.
But eventually, our other hand got cold and we put the second glove on. Reagan beget Bush lost to Clinton and now we all bring pork rinds to our boy king Bush. Ed Sullivan brought us Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Boy George, George Michael, R.E.M., The Smiths, Public Enemy, Jane's Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Pixies, Nirvana, Dave Matthews Band, Dr. Dre, Pearl Jam, Snoop Dogg, Biggie Smalls, PJ Harvey, Beck, Bjork, Tori Amos, Beastie Boys, Eminem, Nine Inch Nails, Ani DiFranco, Moby, Mary J. Blige and Jay-Z while Michael Jackson was petting his elephant. He has been out to play for twenty-three years. The bastard child of Norma Desmond and Howard Hughes.
What has he done for us lately? Nothing. Can a person be called a musician if they no longer make music? No.
Has Michael Jackson made any music since "Thriller" that is at all worthy of this adulation that seems to still, STILL, follow him? Madonna had "Vogue", motherfuckers. Prince, now that he's Prince again, has regained my respect. Prince and Madonna may have languished and faded but at least with the both of them it has been somewhat graceful. They don't demand that we still love them. They don't call themselves the "king" of anything. And they haven't been accused of molesting children.
Michael Jackson should be allowed to slink off into the dark corridors of his mind and the worse punishment we can devise is simply not caring. He needs us to care but he has been bad. No matter if he is a molester or not. He is still an egotist man-child whose talent is forfeit by now. Jackson believes he is king. He is much like George W. Bush.
We care because it was a thriller in 1983, what with Beirut, Korean Airlines Flight 007 and "Yentl." If we have to redo '83 in it's shoulder-padded glory, I would hope for the final episode of M*A*S*H and not a plastic face warbling about startin' something. He warbles now. He is Judy Garland in the final days. And that is an insult to Judy Garland, I apologize to Liza and Lorna Luft.
Michael Jackson will not overdose with a dixie melody in a bathroom. He will hang on to life as it drips off his nose. It will be brutal, it will be ugly and forty years from now, Leonardo DiCaprio will likely be nominated for an Oscar portraying it.
And we created it. The public-at-large, Joe Jackson, the Jehovah's witnesses and Diana Ross. We give him what he craves and he gives us back the Cheez-Whiz that is our pop culture. There is no discernible difference between Court TV and MTV in this case and the fall of Michael Jackson is sad only because it was a fall that we could have prevented it. We could have ripped away his tiara. We could have collectively shouted in the direction of the Neverland Ranch, "Fuck you! Grow up!"
If he is guilty, then I am sorry for those little boys. The parents, not so much. They are bathing in Cheez-Whiz just like the rest of the yahoos. I am not a parent. When I do become a parent, I doubt my style will be orthodox. I will probably let my kids watch rated R films. I will probably not take my children to church. But I will not let my children sleep in the same bed as a 45-year-old man, no matter how many times he's been on Ed Sullivan.
Spend some time together, not spend the night together. Even Mick Jagger was smarter then that.
Turn it off, my friends. It's the only way that we can save the pitiable farce that is Michael Jackson 1990-2005. It may just save us, as well. Our culture cannot overcome it's celebrity fixation overnight; small steps must be taken and forgetting Michael Jackson is an important first one. Do we still talk about Toto or Hall and Oates? No. Bette Davis has been dead since the late eighties and certainly has no eyes left to sing about.
Neither does Michael Jackson.
Posted by emily at 9:10 PM | Comments (0)
February 23, 2005
I'll Cut You Bitch or "A la Maison Blanche"
West Wing: They didn't really fight, dude. I saw no real punches, just a lot of weird wrestling. I wanted to see punches, man. I wanted to see two Jewish dudes from the East Coast deck it out over.... health care. Well, obviously, wasn't really over that. Richard Schiff is my hero, though. He deserves the Grammy for this episode.
The violence would not have happened if Josh and Donna had made crazy love in the closet. That's what you do in closets in the White House! You know Casper Weinberger did it at least once. And that's probably not the mental image you want before bedtime, but jesus people! Get a clue or an erection, one of the two.
Will Bailey looking at clevage makes me want to vomit. He should go into the closet by himself for twenty minutes. Or as long as it takes me to find a gun.
Again, Richard Schiff, Best Solo Jazz Performance. Bring on the Dave Brubeck.
Posted by emily at 10:50 PM | Comments (2)