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April 6, 2006
Blitzkrieg Jesus's Bitches!
Learn something new everyday:
There is apparently a war on Christians going on right now. (No, this is not a war on my brother and an army of his clones. How cool would that be? A million ctriv fighting injustice, one excellent bottle of Pinot at a time...)
This apparently what brought down Tom Delay. How I yearn for the days when our leaders were brought down by blow jobs! By the way, don't try picture the Hammer getting a hummer. You'll lose your cookies and your mojo.
I've heard of the war on Christianity. I remember the war on Christmas. But does he really think we athiest-pinko-commie-queers have the time to single out every single one of you cross jockeys for persecution? There's too many of you fuckers. You control everything. You're on my money and I had to say I was "under" your deity every morning before school.
It's not so much a war on you, per se. Why would we fight a war we could never win? It's more like an insurrection. Or freedom fighters, if we had that much organization, which we don't. We don't like ORGANIZED religion, remember? Why would we meet up with each other when that's one of the things we're looking to avoid?
Now I am a Buddhist, so I'm not so much against organization of religion. (Although it is debatable whether Buddhism really is a religion.) Am I against Christians? For the most part, no, although I'm not really thrilled with a few of their flock recently. Calling on God to strike down Supreme Court judges? Stevens is going to live to 350 just to piss in Robertson's face. Recommending we assassinate a soverign leader of a Latin American country? The war on Christmas? Who is this jerk declaring war on Christmas? Because I like the gifts and "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation."
(On a side not, please, everybody, stop using the word "war" to describe things that are not wars. War is when people kill each other in an organized fashion. War, in the olden days, was declared by soverign nations. War involves guns, rape, pillage, conquest and Patton.)
Conservative Christian Republicans are such a bizarre lot. They won. They have the Congress. They have the WH. They have the judciary. But they don't try and convert others by positive means. Instead, it is a constant demonization of the others. For most of the wack-jobs, the others are still the large majority of Americans. But if you broaden the scope and just say Christian Americans, then you have the a huge majority. Enormous. Even if they lie when the pollsters ask if they go to church on Sundays.
Us athiest-pinko-commie-queers are in such small numbers, we can't declare "war." We're too busy with consensus procedures anyway to cause much harm. All we can do is get as much sex and swears on the television as possible, pollute the children's minds with our ape to human ideas and hand out the condoms like candy. And that's just on my Blackberry for Tuesday.
Posted by emily at April 6, 2006 2:04 PM
Comments
It's all very Orwellian. We've always been at war with East Asia.
Or we will be. Very, very soon.
Posted by: Kyle at April 7, 2006 5:16 PM
I'm just waiting for them to strap the rat-cage on my face.
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